Self love is not self-indulgent

Briefly, because today is early release at the elementary school:

Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things, Episode 194, on healing from her eating disorder.

My reaction: Grief, the release of tears, thoughts about shame, thoughts of gratitude, and the concept that taking care of oneself is not self-indulgent.

Next: I want to explore shame more deeply. I have a lot of it. Even writing here, I have shame about words I have already written. The only reason I'm not revising earlier posts at this very moment is because I'm short on time. That is one gift of parenthood: there's no damn time to wallow.

I am afraid of my own authenticity: that I'm not authentic, or, alternately, that I am authentic but my authenticity is sticky sweet and vacuous like cotton candy. One concept discussed in the podcast was integration of self. What a beautiful place to land. At the moment, I'm still piloting the plane in some stormy weather, but that's my final destination.