Needy

A couple of weeks ago I read a book on attachment theory, and this line has been echoing in my head ever since: You're only as needy as your unmet needs.

Yesterday I did something brave. I shared what my needs were, and when someone I loved was unable to meet them, I held a boundary for myself. I chose myself over a relationship that did not meet my needs. I am not at all angry at the other person, but I think that, had I stayed, I would have become resentful.

I am trying to hold myself more these days. I am gently holding the five extra pounds that soften my belly due to perimenopause or chocolate, I'm not sure which. I am softly holding the wrinkles that faintly appear next to my eyes even when I'm not smiling. I am patiently holding the insecurity that arises before a challenging work project. I am trying to love all of my parts.

I'm no longer young: my sciatica hurts when I crouch to tie my shoes and I'm buying sunscreen with Retinol. My face looks different in the mirror. But I'm choosing this self that is wholly mine.